My Delusional Reality

Apparently, Pussy is the Gay Man's Kryptonite

My Sexy Roommate - This one's for you Jo-Jo.

I took these pictures of Joey last night, he's so damn crazy.  He insisted that I blog about him today so here goes.

I've known Joey 10 years now and he is one of the most important people in my life. We dated in high school for a long time, he was my best friend and he was the only boy that respected me in high school. I even popped his cherry. Little did I know, he only "respected" me because he's gay. (As evidenced in above photo) ;)

Joey hasn't been around much lately and I really miss him. I'm happy for him though; his relationship is going well and he's happy even if he is only using our house for storage.

Joey is my Will; I can't imagine not having him in my life and I'll love him until the day I die. That being said, he pushed me into the pool the other night while I was holding my cell phone. I was PISSED! Not so much about the phone, but the fact that every single phone number I have is confined to that little silver piece of shit from Sprint. (By the way, I was surprised that Brad Pitt's, "The things you own end up owning you", didn't make AFI's Top 100 Movie Quotes tonight.) He felt bad but I wanted him to know exactly how pissed I was so I pulled out the big guns.

I told Joey that I would rub my pussy on his pillow if I didn't get my phone numbers back after the phone dried. Like I said, I pulled out the big guns. The mere mention of this word makes him gag and my threats truly sickened him. I saw the fear in his eyes, he knew I meant business. Let's just say that for now, he's lucky. My phone still works so I'll save my secret weapon for another day.

Killer Pussy

The other night I had planned on getting in bed early but it didn't happen.  I was lounging on the couch watching Everybody Loves Raymond, when Kitty jumped up on my chest.  We have two rules at my house: 1. No sex on the couch and 2.) Never look Kitty in the eyes.  Go ahead and laugh, I am so very serious.  Danny can vouch for that.  In fact, we need a sign on the front of the house that says "Beware of Attack Cat", but I digress.

Kitty jumped on me, she may or may not have been high, and she started rubbing her head all over my arm and chest.  I was in fear of my life.  I froze up, beads of sweat started forming on my brow and my heart started racing.  I was so vunerable; my juglar was exposed, I was at Kitty's mercy.

I sat there for what seemed like hours and in an act of pure idiocy I reached out and pet Kitty.  It was an act of God, for once, she did not attack me.  She let me pet her for 37 minutes.  37 whole minutes.  Then she hissed and lunged at me.  And my life flashed before my eyes, I sat there motionless praying for her to move.  I thought I was going to die.  All of a sudden she jumped up and ran away.  That was a very, very close call.

Killer Pussy

Words of Wisdom.....

From A Bitch:

1)  Men Are Like coffee  - The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all   night long.
2)  Behind every great woman is a man checking out her ass.
3)  If he wants breakfast in bed, have him sleep in the kitchen.
4)  Men are like floor tiles....if you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years!

I got these sayings from a great little flip book called "You Say I'm a Bitch Like It's a Bad Thing".  It's cheap, hilarious and definitely worth the laughs.