My Delusional Reality

War of the Roses

This morning, I happened to catch a segment of a radio show that I rarely listen to....my jaw dropped when I figured out what was taking place. Disgruntled girlfriend, Elizabeth called into the show to play the War of the Roses game. She thought some funny business was going on with her live in boyfriend; he had been volunteering at the Astrodome for several hours after work and coming home quite refreshed. Elizabeth expected him to be a bit more tired, that and he was volunteering with Kelly, another woman from their church.

The female host conferences in the unsuspecting guy, informs him that his business card was pulled from the drop box and his prize is a dozen long-stem red roses from Plants.com. She told him he could send the roses to anyone and asked who she should make the card out to. Without out skipping a beat, he blurted out, "Kelly, and write you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. XOXO

Ouch!

It was not pretty after that.  The girlfriend let him have it after that.

Anyway, moral of this story: church ain't gonna save you when the angry girlfriend is lookin' to kick some ass.

It's About Time....

Cause I really needed that.

Top Search Results

Wow....I just realized that my blog is getting traffic from people searching for "choked during sex".  I don't know what to think about that.

Drunk Again

Oh wow! I had such a crazy ass night, it's almost unbelievable - we need to have more parties at my house! Actually, if I told you about it, you wouldn't believe me anyway and I really need to protect the identity of the innocent. So maybe, if you ask me really nicely, I'll tell you about the party. I'm very afraid to see what Joey has to say about it! ;o)

READ THIS

This is the funniest shit EVER!  You must read this guy's post:

Tucker Tries Buttsex

I haven't laughed so hard in ages!

The Penis Game

Christina and I like to play this game!  In the bar too!   Don't worry you can play as well.

The Game:  Take the title of a movie and change the last word to Penis.

We came up with some funny stuff!  ;)

Bad as it may sound, I think I did best with my "13 Going on Penis".   I'm also very fond of my "Man on Penis".  But that's just me.

We had a night full of penis:

Sleeping With The Penis
A Beautiful Penis
Supersize Penis
The Longest Penis
Dirty Rotten Penis
Me, Myself and Penis
The Last Penis

What can you come up with?    ;)

Crazy Chick

Jared has a crazy friend. Very crazy. I'll go out on a limb and even call her a stalker. I've met her in passing (passing from his bedroom to the front door). Joey has only met her once before. After Danny and I left Einstein's on Friday night, Jared's friend came over to the table that Joey, Manuel, Ivey and Matt all sat at. She proceeded to climb on top of the table and hump the air. According to Joey she was humping everything in site, bar stools, walls, poles - basically anything in reach of her longing loins. I wasn' t there so I'm not exactly sure what happened, all I know is that when I got home Saturday morning, she was passed out on the couch, Matt and Ivey were in my bed, Jared was gone and Joey and Manuel were sleeping. Ivey woke up and asked first thing - Is that crazy girl still here? I told her I guess so, that chick is passed out on the couch. Ivey says, "Oh my god, that girl is a freak!! Look at the bite mark she put on my neck, she wouldn't leave me alone. She even tried ripping my clothes off." I was shocked, she seemed like a nice, sweet girl. I had to leave for lunch with my friend, so I left while crazy girl was still passed out.

I had a nice lunch and went to visit my family then I went back home. Crazy girl was still passed out. Gerald is at our house. Crazy Chick and Crazy Gerald start to get it on. Crazy Gerald has a crazy story about Crazy Chick, sanitary napkins, a very, very dirty girl and even dirtier sheets. I'll spare you all the details, but wow....this is one very naughty gal!!

Over the course of the weekend, she wanted to do Jared, Joey and Manuel, Ivey and Matt, and Gerald. I just want to know what was wrong with me.....Crazy Chick never once hit on me. I'd have turned her down, but I'm disappointed that I didn't even make the cut......NOT!!

Three's Company

So I'm sitting out in the garage having my morning cigarette when the door opens.....already odd because Joey leaves before I even wake up and Jared works nights and sleeps late. An extremely meek and very homely girl emerges. Dumbfounded to see someone sitting in front of her, she turns back to her friend and gives a very awkward glance over to me. The friend walks out and says, "Oh don't worry, that's just Jennifer! " She (girl 2) then chats with me for a second and they leave. My Roomie bumped some uglies last night.......he had to be pretty damn drunk to take the first girl on. Now I'm not one to dog other gals, it ain't easy being a girl, not at all. This poor girl, I shit you not, looks like the redhead on that cartoon Recess. I only know this because I asked Bimbo next to me what cartoon character looks like that......funny, Bimbo knew.