The Best & Worst Book Ever Written

Page 23. Damn you, Page 23. If you weren't one of the most straight-forward and hilarious books I've ever read, I would have taken you to Half Price Books and parted ways long ago.

This is what you've got me thinking about.....

He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You

Men know how to use the phone.

 

Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. Bullshit. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pockets when I don't even mean to. We may try to make you think differently, but we men are just like you. We like taking a break from our generally mundane day to talk to someone we like. It makes us happy. And we like to be happy. Just like you. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.

"Sometimes I call people from my pants pockets when I don't even mean to".    I love that.

Why do I read books that make me feel like "that" kind of girl? What is it about me? I'm very independent, quite confident and rather secure with myself - I guess when I find something I really, really want it scares me.

Woah...that is it. It scares the hell out of me because I care
about the outcome. Hummmmm. I guess, in this case, that's a good thing.

Uuuughh....maybe I should just quit reading.

Comments

[Eric]

You'd be amazed at how many 911 calls I've taken from people's pockets and purses. Thousands. Several per day, just on my phone and I probably work the phones a maximum of 2/3 of my shift, usually less.

I've heard intimate conversations, drive-thru orders, people talking to themselves or their kids while shopping, even a couple of guys talking about where to score dope. They are usually surprised to get a call-back from me. They deny calling 911 vehemently. I have to explain that I don't have time to randomly pick cellphone numbers to call and harrass them. A couple of times I get, "Joey, stop playing tricks on me. Get out, you're not 911"

God save me from Ass Dialers.

[Jenn]

That's pretty damn funny! I'm glad my ass hasn't started dialing!

Thanks for stopping by!

[Mister Underhill]

My penis does all my dialing. That could be why I have so many problems in life.

Sigh.

I can't believe you'd give up our love for some guy who looks like vin diesel. For shame, for shame.

[Jenn]

I'm very thankful that my ass isn't big enough to do my dialing...

Does that mean your penis is? One might be able to refer to the Evil Lady's posts for that answer! I warned you about her...that's what you get for thinking with the wrong head! LOL

You must have seen the picture of him before I took it down. I can't let this one get away (again). Knowing my luck and because I do care so much, it'll never work out. Isn't my positive attitude grand?

Please know, I never meant to turn my back on you; I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. For now, I take solace in the fact that all the other blog whores have got your back.

[Mister Underhill]

LOL

I am sure there is some talk about my penis. My favorite one was where she started saying that guys who drive yellow cars are gay.

I mean, hey, ok. So, I have a tiny six pound dog, drive a yellow car, and my mom just gave me a spphire ring that is worth more than my car. Ok, maybe on this one at least it looks fishy. I wanted to say "AHEM. My car is not yellow...it's SOLAR. OH SNAP"

At least her posts aren't all overtly about me any more.

Meeting new people from the internet, I have decided, is something that will never, EVER happen again. AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT!

Of course my damn penis is always making calls and typing at the keyboard, so who knows how long that'll last.

I hope the Patrick thing works out. If not, maybe I will make an exception to my no internet girls rule some time and visit you in tejas ;)

[Jenn]

I must admit I thoroughly enjoyed reading about the demise of your realtionship. Talk about entertainment! It doesn't get much better than that.

As far as Patrick goes, we'll just have to see. It feels soooo right to me but I'm just not sure about him though. I'm happy regardless of the outcome - even though I am sitting here waiting for him to call. I've really got it bad, Sweet Tits NEVER waits on a man. I really hope he hasn't been reading my blog....I've learned to never give my url to someone I'm involved with (or plan to be involved with - in this case).

[Mister Underhill]

I have gotten lots of laughs, too - I just don't want to see what the next thing is. I have a creeped out feeling like she is going to kill me or something. Seriously.

I can't imagine what would have happened if we dated like a year.

[Jenn]

Aaaahh yes, I too recall her mention of all the "accidents" that followed her old flames around.

No worries, I got your back.

[Mister Underhill]

Oh man, I know. I should just say nothing but the one where she talks about wishing people dead really gets me.

There is a big difference between WISHING someone dead, and TELLING someone you want them dead, someone who is in organized crime, and then them actually killing them. It is scary to me she sees no difference.

The firebomb thing was even better...someone 'randomly' burning his bar down after she starts a website about what an asshole he is and leaves fliers on cars in the parking lot of his bar for a couple of weeks which point to her website and say what an asshole he is.

Also, keep in mind that this is the GOOD guy she has dated!!! the one she likes.

ROFL

I hope she will move on with some other dude soon, and then she can be his problem.

I've 'moved on' with several girls already, none of which have slain any household pets as of yet.

[Jenn]

For my safety, I think I'd better put an end to this comment thread!

:o)