Lance and Our Love Child

I decided to "reply all" to the crazy email I received (see yesterday's post), I'll make sure to give you an update if I receive a reply....or child support.

My Dearest Lance,

I must say it was a nice suprise to hear from you
after so long.  I'm glad you are doing so well,
however, I am  a bit appalled that you would include
me in an email to your family.

What would they think if they knew the truth?  Have
you told them about me, better yet, do they know about
our love child?

Do they know about that drunken, drug-induced night in
the dorms when we professed our love for one another?

Are they aware that you impregnated me and promised to
steal the money for an abortion from your grandmother?
I seriously doubt they know you left me alone to deal
with our problem.

We risked it all that night, put everything on the
line and we have been punished for our sins.  Even
though it seems as though Cain and I are the only ones
suffering.

I was the one kicked out of school.  I'm the one left
penniless to raise our son.  Thankfully Cain looks
like me, you know, you could at least show a photo of
our son to his grandparents.

Our son would like to know his family, especially his
father.  I hope and pray this mission of yours will
give you the insight needed to finally admit your
mistakes and be the father our son deserves.

I need you and our child needs you.  You can rectify
this, I know you can; I believe in you.  I pray every
night that you might once again become the man that I
fell in love with.  Until then...

Much love from your family,
Jess and Cain

Our Beautiful Baby Boy

Comments

[Mister Underhill]

LMAO!

Oh, I feel bad. Really. Calling him Cain is hysterical, though. I just hope granny doesn't have a heart attack!

[Brian]

ROTFLMAO!!!!

That is too damn funny! I almost feel sorry for that poor schmoe you totally just schmered in front of all his friends and family. Almost. Then I started laughing, and that went away.

[Jenn]

Mister U: A girl's gotta what a girl's gotta do! I briefly thought about Granny having a heart attack, but that passed.

Brian: I've laughed so hard about this, but I am a little upset I haven't heard from my baby's daddy.

[christina]

Delightfully wicked! I looooove it!!!!

[Aberrant Templar]

BAhahahahahahahahahahaa

*wipes tear*

Please, PLEASE tell me you attached the photo!!!

[Jenn]

Christina: Girly, you know what I'm capable of!

AT: Damn right I did! Isn't Cain just adorable? I'm so proud of my bundle of joy!

[Danny]

my bad i forgot to flush.

[Kris]

Oh how the might do fall. What makes it so funny is that guy is either Mormon or some really emphatic other type of Christian, which generally means his family is too. That has GOT to issue a response.

[Jenn]

Kris: Of course Mr. Underhill is the one who gave me the idea, it was too perfect - I had to take it and run with it. I am anxiously awaiting replies.

Danny: Cain is the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world!

[-G.D.]

Cain is beautiful. You should be the proudest mama. I'm certain that his "entire" family would be proud of him, if they knew, too. All babies bring love, without discrimination.

Awesome post!!! Totally brilliant. This guy is missing out on the best part of his life...what an idiot.

[Mister Underhill]

All the ladies know to call Lance, when they wat a party in their pants!

[Jenn]

Thanks GD, that Lance, gosh...idiot!

I'm beginning to wonder if I will receive a reply from "Party Pants" Lance.

Cain's hungry and I need cigarettes and a 40.

[Mister Underhill]

Unfortunately old grannies check their email only once every 4 weeks.

[Jenn]

Then I can't wait for next month to get here! ;)