My Delusional Reality

Happy Birthday to Kris!! That's

Happy Birthday to Kris!!

That's all I have to say, for now.

Today I Am A Race Car Driver

This morning as I drove into the office, I became Cole Trickle. Houston is a weird city, that’s pretty much all I can say to explain the phenomenon that I’m about to present you.

I’m driving, not paying attention and going way too fast as usual, when out of nowhere I’m faced with a huge cloud of white smoke. What to do, what to do?

Normal people might think: Where’s the fire? What’s going on here? or even Those damn sewers are smoking again! But oh no, not me! Because today, I am a race car driver.

Harry Hogge: What do you know about stock car racing?
Cole Trickle: Well... watched it on television, of course.
Harry Hogge: You've seen it on television?
Cole Trickle: ESPN. The coverage is excellent, you'd be surprised at how much you can pick up.
Harry Hogge: I'm sure I would.

Today I did what any self-respecting neckcar driver would have done – I remembered that scene from Days of Thunder when Cole passes through all the smoke and makes it through unscathed. I evoked the power of Cole Trickle to get through the smoke today and it worked beautifully!

I found this little quote equally applicable in both my race car driver life and my normal, less exciting everyday life.

Cole Trickle: Whoa. Her ass is all over the place.
Harry Hogge: When the rear end's loose, the car's fast. Loose is fast, and on the edge you're out of control.

READ THIS

This is the funniest shit EVER!  You must read this guy's post:

Tucker Tries Buttsex

I haven't laughed so hard in ages!

I Hate Being Horny

Sweet Tits is in a very bad mood.  VERY BAD.  More than likely, I'm just horny.  I haven't felt like doing anything lately - I'm in a funk and the only thing that comes to mind for this blog post is:

Gavin Degraw

I don't want to be anything other than
what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

Someone, just give it to me all ready!

Wanted: A Few Good Men

Application.....

Awww,too bad, this link no longer works....

I Like Girls that Like Girls

Also titled: Damn Straight Girls! (Especially those that don't put out!  )

I had a good night last night, granted I was an hour late for work this morning.  Job security is a beautiful thing!

I went to the pool for a few hours with Sarah.  She says she's straight - I don't know about that!

Then I met Jared up at the bar, I have the most fun when I'm with him.  He's so stupid - check out his beautiful earrings!

I had been quite good until last night. Sweet Tits has her name for a reason! ;) All my roomies have to do is say, "Jennifer, show me your tits!" and up my shirt goes. As you may know, I dated a sweet guy named Danny from January to May. During this time, hard as it was, I refrained from showing off my job security.

Then last night came along...I had been drinking all night, Jared asked and I obliged. That was the first picture he's taken of my tits all year. (Well, other than new years - but I hadn't met Danny yet). Anyway, I have the picture on my blog somewhere, you'll just have to look to find it!

Ok, I'm drunk and I just answered a ton of comments - I don't know how Mr. U can keep up with all his blog whores, I have a hard enough time with mine! But I love you guys!

Oh Shit

I have to be up in two hours and I'm so drunk right now.  But DAMN it sure was a good night!  I love my roommates!

She Could Walk All Over Me

These are the hooker shoes I bought my girl last weekend.  I never really had a foot/shoe fettish until now.  She is smokin'!!

H - O - T !!

Apparently, Pussy is the Gay Man's Kryptonite

My Sexy Roommate - This one's for you Jo-Jo.

I took these pictures of Joey last night, he's so damn crazy.  He insisted that I blog about him today so here goes.

I've known Joey 10 years now and he is one of the most important people in my life. We dated in high school for a long time, he was my best friend and he was the only boy that respected me in high school. I even popped his cherry. Little did I know, he only "respected" me because he's gay. (As evidenced in above photo) ;)

Joey hasn't been around much lately and I really miss him. I'm happy for him though; his relationship is going well and he's happy even if he is only using our house for storage.

Joey is my Will; I can't imagine not having him in my life and I'll love him until the day I die. That being said, he pushed me into the pool the other night while I was holding my cell phone. I was PISSED! Not so much about the phone, but the fact that every single phone number I have is confined to that little silver piece of shit from Sprint. (By the way, I was surprised that Brad Pitt's, "The things you own end up owning you", didn't make AFI's Top 100 Movie Quotes tonight.) He felt bad but I wanted him to know exactly how pissed I was so I pulled out the big guns.

I told Joey that I would rub my pussy on his pillow if I didn't get my phone numbers back after the phone dried. Like I said, I pulled out the big guns. The mere mention of this word makes him gag and my threats truly sickened him. I saw the fear in his eyes, he knew I meant business. Let's just say that for now, he's lucky. My phone still works so I'll save my secret weapon for another day.

Titty Name Off

The links are all broken...sorry guys, I'll fix them soon.

I need some help here.  As you may or may not know, I am affectionately called SWEET TITS by my friends. I don't blame them. However, I am now faced with a problem. I've got to think about my girl's tits all day and try to name THEM.

I've got it bad, huh?